Take A Risk Or Treat Inevitable Consequence As Life Survival

愛の駅

2012-01-11T00:04:00.012Z

もう一回愛の駅にいる
心はまだ痛かった
もう疲れた
いつも好きな人が探してるのこと

恋愛は本当にどんなことでしょう？
分からないんだ
どうしていつも一人で戻れるんだと思う、ここに

僕の希望
そんな簡単な希望は
何時か僕の側にいるんだ？
あの人

じゃ、その前に
どこにも行かないんだ
あの人が待っているんだから。。。

Life, as it has been.

2011-11-05T00:23:00.004Z

Life's treating this young man fairly good. Had the greatest month this year in October for starting his first year of university, been to Cheese and Wine Festival in his favourite city of all time - London, picked up a new hobby as well as sport - Rock Climbing, met a few more close friends in the university. Enjoying all these in a month, he is not complaining anything though it could have been more perfect, he is still very appreciating every single moment spend.

As to this starting November, life is still in ahead of him, wanting him to keep discovering as many as he can afford.

-tarotism-

不同的实事

2011-09-04T21:57:00.000+01:00

以前的我、

原以为两个不同世界的我们、

会因为彼此了解而连接。

草莓冰淇淋。

童年的泰迪。

复古吉普车。

冒险照相簿。

慢慢、

明白实事是残酷的。

但、

实事里将会有结果的。

Numbers

2011-08-20T22:55:00.001+01:00

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 . . . . . . . .

I do not want to forget,
each story of them.
So I have learnt to
number them.

Now, it'll be number 2.

I will smile :) and say I am going to remember you.

:)

Outside

2011-08-11T21:20:00.000+01:00

I need to open my eyes,
a little more.
a little wider,
to be able to see more.

I was able to feel,
to detect,
what's around me,
but I ignored.

France or London?
which one to choose?
whichever is better than Scotland,
though mischievous and dangerous,
but that's what the outside life can offer me.

Hmm outside,
let's see.

玫瑰

2011-08-03T20:45:00.000+01:00

深红玫瑰、
藏着浓浓的爱意。

可有谁、
在爱与被爱之间、
都不被它身上的刺、
刺伤？

美丽的玫瑰啊、
我会很小心的、
欣赏你。

Not To Care

2011-07-31T18:38:00.001+01:00

You see someone making a trap in front.
You are walking forward.
But why should you get into their trap?

It's time.

Because they want you to care.
But why should you care?

想你

2011-07-29T08:02:00.000+01:00

想你、
不是因为寂寞、
它是种很自然的感觉。

当思念太深、
就像一粒沙掉进无底的心、
永远也找不到尽头。

而没在思念、
也只因为那粒沙早已习惯、
那悬空摸不着底细。

想你、
是用来衡量、
是用来证明、
我有多想见到你。

Slow Down

2011-07-28T12:53:00.002+01:00

It was an easy night,

when the lights were still on,

breathing was still right.

He had to give advice,

on how to play with my game.

Started off with sharing,

with empathising,

and ended with slowing all down.

He is wise,

and understanding.

Those two words of his,

really drew me a sunrise in my head.

And thanks to him,

now I know,

it only gets better,

when I slow down my anxiety,

and wait patiently for the Sun at dawn.

Gone

2011-07-25T23:54:00.002+01:00

I came to find something I had lost.

I knew exactly where I could find it.

But it was not here when I got here.

It was preciously special yet fragile.

One would not get to desire to fetch it.

It came naturally; It went missing silently.

It took a while for me to realize and understand.

And what I have learnt from it,

Is that no matter what,

When it decided to be missing,

I would let it be,

Gone.

初见

2011-07-24T23:37:00.000+01:00

在颤抖的手里、

有握着对爱的期望。

我不明白真爱的感觉、

就算真的触碰到了爱、

也未必能了解它。

如果初次见面能确认爱、

那么我从你的眼神已得知、

这谈不上是爱。

Fading

2011-07-15T23:49:00.000+01:00

Raining season has gone,
It's time to get healed.

My Dear,
I have ceased this pain of freeing you.
You need to keep moving,
without having to watch my sunrise.

When you can feel it starts to shine upon you,
please take that as a sign,
for my love has slowly faded away.

Simple

2011-07-06T22:48:00.001+01:00

My head hurts, everytime I try to seek for a response. Oh god, I've had enough I swear. Simple things, simple feelings, simple thoughts, a yes-or-no question, a want-or-don't-want question, how hard can they be?

Life makes them harder, when everything is inter-connected, bonded so closely that one would take up his full concentration, figuring the right or the so-called flexible solution. And yes, I have found that most truthful way, 'switch it off' method. From tomorrow, things will change, it will be hard to combat, but it shall get easier because nothing can be logically simpler.

I will take the happy times away, and leave the sad memories behind.

*switched it off*

明白

2011-06-26T23:21:00.000+01:00

经不起考验的我俩、
始终还是接受了。

痛。

已经不是用言语来形容、
不是从眼神就看得出来、
不是能站在这里等你抱、
就没事的了。

我想我得像上次一样、
转过身来就走了。

我明白了、
真走了。

陌生人

2011-06-23T23:03:00.000+01:00

我们都用距离、
来计算彼此的陌生度。

日子久了、
就越来越远、
然后也可能不熟了。

这种说不上来、
只能点点头的不踏实感、
或许只有我一个人可以感受到吧。

我看、
我们只要真的点点头后、
就各奔东西吧。

都傻

2011-06-05T23:45:00.002+01:00

来回几趟、
才能让我看到、
你对我的心意呢？

到底要几趟、
对你来说才算足够呢？

可能我会努力、
也可能我会放弃、
因为我怕、
我怕最后又得走回、
那需要抹掉美丽、
又痛苦记忆的不归路。

不管等或不等、
就算我傻好了。

Til You Say

2011-06-04T23:53:00.001+01:00

and so I did it again,
let the words out once more,
trying to have a sneak peek into your heart.

just want to let you to know,
that's how much i can strain myself.

thank you and sorry,
that this shall be the last time,
to have you take for granted,
of what i can provide you.

until the second you come to me,
and tell me what i wish to hear,
i shall be silent at heart.

Chose to you

2011-06-03T23:43:00.006+01:00

making decisions shouldn't be hard,

even if it is between you and freedom.

freedom is my home,

soft grass is my carpet,

blue sky is my blanket.

you,

are just one of my decorations,

non-practical,

very indifferent,

but you give me happiness.

and that is all that matters.

weightless

2011-06-02T19:19:00.000+01:00

i'm soaring up high,
leaving you on the ground.

finally i've come to a new start,
honey,
let me go,
let me be weightless.

there's nothing for us to feel hard about.
as you and i,
have never be one before.

i enjoy my freedom up here,
even it's lonely,
but i feel so free,
honey.

those eyes

2011-06-01T08:25:00.004+01:00

those eyes that you find attractive,
woke up in the early morning with tears.

it was last night,
that you missed.

cornered into a dark desolate shadow,
where emptiness filled emptiness,
an ever-lasting form of feeling.

it intruded through those eyes,
warned him not to escape,
and he knew that he had no courage.

he closed those eyes,
trying to seek for a getaway,
from that inner battle.

but predictably,
he failed once more.

两年前的明天

2011-05-31T21:58:00.000+01:00

一个接着一个、
而现在可能有了着落。

我们抱着什么心呢？

花与农夫的关系里、
你扮演的是那个角色？

单方面的耕耘、
单方面的等待、
我想我也重复做了好些年。

两年前的明天、
一封友善的简讯、
崛起我第一波的忧伤。

而为什么这已经习惯久了的农夫、
还得为接下来的这一波烦恼呢？

农夫啊！
放下你的铲吧！
不要继续盲目地灌溉它了。

因为你渴望的安全感、
始终是不会来了。

ReBirth

2011-05-31T20:22:00.003+01:00

It's been really a long time since my previous blog post. Now that I have decided to blog again.

Life's been quite a bumpy road for me. There are too much decisions to make within such a short length of time. Living in a place where I can find peace and loving the life which I have always wanted, can never feel any better. There's just one thing at the moment that keeps me really emotional - whenever I can have it for long?

My new blog posts can be written in English, Chinese, Japanese or probably Spanish as sometimes I feel certain feelings are better described in a particular language. If I feel free, you might even have the opportunity to see me in videos.

I wonder if there's anyone still come to this blog but even if there isn't any, I will still write as a record of my life.

- tarotism -

P.S. Those readers who have send in tarot reading requests, I will get back to you soon. Thanks for getting interested and I will not let you wait too long.

一半一半

2011-03-25T22:07:00.004Z

甲与乙的变数、
令我很难思考。

甲人附着我要的躯壳、
乙人却有我渴望灵魂。

感觉是你从一个人的身上、
撇开外在与内心的共同点、
将我在抉择里失措也苦恼。

原地踏步、
左右为难、
没有答案。

休息

2011-01-01T20:59:00.002Z

安抚好自己被爱刺破的心，
希望在新的一年，
会遇到另一个人。

而对于之前的你，
我已无话可说了。

希望慢慢地，
我和你，
将成为陌生人。

谢谢你对我的关心。

拜拜啦！

没什么大不了

2010-11-28T23:12:00.002Z

我发现，
我已恢复自由者的身份。

是比预计的还快。

哈哈~

看来我有的还是青春，
而这一次，
我将我拥有的，
好好地挥霍。

告诉你，
我和你真的没什么大不了的。

像你说的，
"Don't take it so serious."

哈!

;)

别见了

2010-11-17T00:20:00.004Z

向他说的，
我们之间已无电交流，
只是浪费时间。

我们下不了的约定，
就当作没有计划过，
让它无声无味地消失吧。

这不是电影里，
铺成好的情节，
在故事的尾段，
我们过着幸福快乐的生活。

所以，
我们还是别见好了。

错爱

2010-11-10T20:21:00.002Z

曾经别人告诉我，
如果你不介意我的过去，
你就是爱我的。

但你听了后，
就不再关心我了。

我不恨你，不怨你的冷落。
只是被缠在自怜与孤单的夜里，
无法入眠，无法沉淀自己的思绪，
将爱情带入冰河时期。

Over It.

2010-11-10T00:20:00.004Z

Days without you,
bring me back to normal.
Stop me from thinking,
that we are possible.

Your words had so much impact on me.
So much that I barely could breathe when we talked.

You said I'm naive, inexperienced.
And I admitted that, even now.

But in the end,
you are neither mature nor prepared.

Yes.
It is hard.
And we did try,
just that it's one of those fruitless turn-on.

打包心情

2010-11-08T21:45:00.002Z

不再找你，不再想你。
好聚好散，没有怨言。

你说我跟他们不一样，
不将青春，当游戏玩。

寂寞的双子，
爱情的懦夫。

被打败后，
打包心情，
去找我会赢的游戏。

想对你说的话

2010-11-07T23:23:00.002Z

慢慢长大了，
渐渐看清爱情对自己的重要性。

天让我遇见你，
要你教我什么是爱。
可我一直对你有疑心，
害怕会像以前一样。

你说要慢慢了解我，
爱情是这样产生的。
可为什么，
在我上钩以后，
你对我没兴趣了？

我小心翼翼地，
从你的影子里走出，
在你发觉前，
把我对爱情失望的眼泪擦干。

说不出的爱

2010-06-19T12:04:00.000+01:00

在你面前、
隐藏不了我真实的懦弱、

打从心底说不出的爱、
怕说了会伤了你的心、

勇敢铁着心避开手机电脑、
尝试把强烈的感情吞下、

有时失败了就以自怜的方式、
给于自己跟多力量来等你、

我慢慢欣赏距离的美感、
让我们的心可以冷静休息、

思念你的夜里无奈无法失措、
因为爱你而你却沉默不过问、

想对你打个招呼、
又担心你会误解我的关心、

把话憋在心里的难受、
久了也习惯麻木了、

爱情里的你我被现实捆绑着、
而你连信任的机会也掏空了、

只能让你把我当坏人、
给你打骂都一声不吭。

De - Stress

2010-05-27T15:42:00.004+01:00

I definitely need a whole day to distress myself from the double examinations. Coz' I literally cannot believe I am saying goodbye to a 100% from my Statistics 1. I bloody hate that fact that I leave that 3 marks question off my sight. WHY DID I NOT GET IT WHEN I DOING IT?

Well, people say get satisfied with what you're given but can't one request for better? This is quite doubtful isn't it?

I didn't really the subjects I'm doing is that hard just the pressure from the fact I need A Stars to really impress other people. To be honest I don't do things trying to impress anyone but not this time. Just for the sake that I need to get in that university.

Last Monday I woke up to a shock that my mum called me up saying there was no air tickets left for me to go back by Emirate until 13 August which I would rather choose to stay here instead probably have a little Europe Tour on my own. Coz' I think the time is too short and the fact that I need to get some working experience at hospital just my university application.

Actually I am now doubting the fact that I may have to sacrifice my whole life to medicine - patients. I am not that sure if my body will take up that much of hardwork. Mentally I do but not physically.

Maybe the answer will come to me when it's time then?

Right it's Thursday today, one more day until half term break then it's my other exams.

OTSUKARESAMADESTA!!!

Sigh!

No Hard Feelings

2010-05-23T23:56:00.002+01:00

Let me go with the wind.
I want to be light and losing gravity.
Only then I can feel easy with myself.

Maybe I am too crazy,
for only torturing myself
to feel better with things.

There're used to be a friend,
reading of something about Geminis to me.
That we are always living in insecurity.
Once something we worry gets a clue,
we'll move on to the next one.

Guess it's the dual-personality of Geminis?
Hide our vulnerable side over a wall,
and presenting the most unreal happiness in front of the audience.

I really don't know for how long I can take this in.
Things can get as bad, but no hard feelings.
Coz' I would be no longer care anymore.

Sometimes I wish to just leave in silence,
to search for a little corner for myself,
to really listen what my heart says when it comes to things.

People say,
if you give up, then you're the loser.
But do you realize that, even you know it's gonna be fruitless,
will you keep on trying? for just your own sake?

Let it go, let it go.
*exhales.

Talks

2010-05-17T22:45:00.002+01:00

A few more weeks, it will be my nineteenth birthday. I am not going to wish anything this year. It shall be an empty birthday - no birthday cake, no presents. Coz' why is it to celebrate for growing up for another year?

Growing up doesn't mean being more mature to me anymore. Life is like a bowl of white rice. If you just take them in, life is just simple, boring and nothing different. So growing up, feels like taking a new bowl of white rice.

Yeah, gonna enter university next year. Life might get more interesting other than those routinely timetables. But I am literally panicked for the whole application.

Let's talk about something in the past. Last year, I was in Hong Kong and I bet that's the best times in my life. I had so many memories there, all the Japanese lessons and touring around the city. Plus MomoZjan, my brother's Corgi. I miss her! Hope she's fine and have met a boyfriend haha. Momozjan! Ogenki??

Last year, I had a lonely eighteenth birthday. And I made three wishes that I would regret. Am not going to reveal them anyways but that eventually lead me to not making wishes for my birthdays in the future. Coz' you don't know how much you need to pay if you made a wrong wish.

There are lots of things in this world being over-complicated by humans. Sometimes I doubt the benefits of civilization. And why we are so different from everyone. God likes to play with people.

This post is so disorganized coz' I just type what is in my mind. Right, I have to go to sleep. Just another boring day. Night.

解脱

2010-05-04T23:53:00.003+01:00

平时已入睡的我，
今天却睡不着。

脑子里哼着张惠妹的解脱，
心里有种想要得到解放。

“解脱
是肯承认这是个错
我不应该还不放手
你有自由走
我有自由好好过
解脱
是懂擦干泪看以后
找个新方向往前走
这世界辽阔
我总会实现一个梦”　－　张惠妹

为什么一个要二十岁的人，
对人生渐渐地失去憧憬？

或许七月回家后会好些吧

认清事实

2010-04-17T18:56:00.002+01:00

我告诉自己，
会离开你的人
是不珍惜你的人。

他要走，
就让他走。
或许这样你才能
辨认，
认清，
一些事实。

合不来，
谈不来，
分开始终是对的。

所以你别等了。
因为珍惜你的人，
在别处呢。

Picky

2010-03-14T21:15:00.002Z

*rolls eyes.

They are equally attractive.
Their colours are pretty stunning.
Each of them shall take you different experience of life.
But the rule is, one and never regret.

It takes time,
but do you get more secured?

It takes time,
and maybe you're running out of them by now.

Just pick one...
then you'll know
whether it suits your taste.

两男两女

2010-03-07T16:16:00.002Z

一男一女的不满足，
是在焚烧着的火。

两男两女的诱惑，
是那空空的白纸。

当火对脆弱的纸有兴趣是，
它会毫不留情地将它吞噬。

交换配偶
交换身体
不能停止。

不幸福的性，
只能让人妻来满足。

不圆满的爱，
只能让人夫来圆满。

这形态的爱与性，
就是婚姻的坟墓。

答案 Answer

2010-03-01T19:42:00.007Z

那看似
像个听觉的答案，
是个有深度
和了解的感觉答案。
It's for your ears.
But yours to feel and understand.

你听到的，
使你哽咽。
可是，
你感觉到的，
是你落泪。
What you hear,
kills your breath.
But when you approach it,
it drains your tears.

心里的平衡，
是忐忑，
是黑暗。
Inner unbalance
is unstable and dark.

但你可否曾想过，
有答案的人，
早已无法哽咽
或落泪？
But have you ever thought that,
those with answers,
had stopped breathing,
and crying without tears?

有些答案，
就隔着，
让它自生自灭吧！
Some answers,
better let it be,
and never been told.

伞语。

2010-02-26T19:05:00.003Z

雨下了。

淋了一身，
才想起你的叮咛。

“记得带把伞。”

现在回想，
自己是多么的无知。

就贪你的一句话，
使劲我全身的力气，
耗费我整天的心情。

此刻发现，
到头来，
还不是
一场欢喜，一场空。
那么没意思。

你说，
我得等到一个
比你还值得爱我的人。

我说，
你可能是我这一生中
最爱的人。

可在这事实眼前，
这带伞之人，
是不会爱上
那无伞之人的。

好了，不等了。

2010-02-25T21:37:00.003Z

有人问我，好点了吗？

我都说，好多了。

曾经的事，

现在已都忘了大半。

回想起来，

也不只是不开心的事。

委屈求全，

只会让彼此无法

自由自在地生活。

现在不是很好吗？

你在你的星期五，

我在我的星期四。

等待爱情是辛苦的，

偶尔等到的却不是你要的。

还是。。。

别等了。

Chances

2010-01-16T23:30:00.003Z

Everyone needs a chance, in anything they desire. I mean, they deserve it right? Even they know sometimes things aren't gonna be theirs but at least they do deserve a chance to be told right?

Griz gave me a secret present today through Skype and it was Michelle!!! haha. Gosh I almost got my tears outta my eyes. Girl! I've missed you lots!

We had a little talk, the three of us. Friends, hmm, normal should share something in common right? And this time we do share one thing same, all single and available. *winks. I'm not trying to be do match making for myself or my friends, just that, we are already in our late teens, some even close to a twenty, shouldn't we've been in at least a relationship? Oh come on! Chances are what we need at this moment.

She told me that or reunion shall be held in Greece in 4 to 5 years. I am really looking forward to it. I almost forget when was our last 'yamcha' when we were all together in that small but complex town. Guys! I miss you all. Just hope that when i got back, I can still yamcha with you guys! I won't mind be your driver! Just give me a call in need of a ride on me! My little Myvi should be enough for our gang haha! Even if not, I can use BMW hehee

Chances of all of us meeting together is less and gonna be more less. But with faith, our friendship shall be strong and unbreakable? Gosh! I really hope it's July by now coz' I think I miss Miri too much, my family, friends and FOOD!!!! *sigh

Don't know why, sometimes I doubt myself on choosing here. Maybe it's because I'm still in college? And I shall assure you that my college life is dull and identically repetitive. Next Monday is my second term and things are gonna be started all over again. ( Here we go again~ )

Guys! Your Ah Dang is actually feeling better, much more better than last time in Kuala Lumpur. Remember that night? That crazy gloomy night of tears and whining. But that night made me understand one thing, chances brought us together on the same cross-roads of life. So we shall not let it go.

Once again, I'm grateful that I have a caring family and a bunch of friends that I would appreciate so much.

Don't forget to keep in contact with me no matter where you are okay? If you didn't hear from me, check Facebook coz' I am always there, reading and updating myself of all your current statuses :) tataz for now!

Miss You'll!!!!

电影人生

2010-01-09T16:21:00.003Z

有时我想，
要是一部戏可以不有结局。
该有多好啊。

没有结局的电影，
是永无止境的。

因为这样，
身为观众的我。
不需为了
结束
而感到悲伤。
可以永远活在戏里。

因为那也是电影人生的结局啊！

It's always hard to choose between two.

2009-12-06T22:35:00.002Z

People make plans for future is to make sure that they have a secured life in the later days. Though they know things might not work the way they plan but they are always clear that they can twist here and there a bit trying to fit the amended plan to look like the original one.

Plans are like procedures of lives. Some people set it before while some like to choose at that spot of time. I like to set it before coz' I do not like to regret and face more troubles.

Hmmm...

When I was young, England was like the place I would love to live in. London was like my dream place. That is why my favourite language was made English other than my mother tongue - Chinese. There was a day when i was 7 years old, in Singapore, I tuned the tele to a channel and something inspired me.

It was a documentary on a brain surgery. I can still remember clearly how the surgery was conducted. The surgeons shaved off the man's hair then cut through the upper skull and they found the brain. They inserted four pieces of nail-like metals onto the brain. I was not scared nor disgusted but inspired instead. And I told myself, I want to be a doctor/surgeon.

So from that day onwards, people asked me, "Ah Qiang, what is your ambition?" I would reply "A Doctor" People will start to tell me how hard to achieve this and must be very good in studies. That time I was not very mature, so I just nodded my head with I-know responds.

So started to dream myself being a doctor/surgeon working in a hospital. To be honest, I could foresee it. And I told myself that this is the life I want.

Now it's time to choose, study in Malaysia or UK.

There is just one simple reason I would not like to study in Malaysia and it's very obvious. *wink.

But one good thing is, I will be closer to my friends, family and I've known how to live as a Malaysian.

In UK? Now that I am here and life is just "like-that-lor". Some friends told me, it'd be better slowly coz' you are still new to the places and lifestyle. But there will be financial problems and slightly homecooked-meal sickness. I miss the food prepared by Mummy. Awww...

I hate making choices, hate that things are always have two complexions, advantages and disadvantages. But it's life right?

Hmmm, it's another repeated week again~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Nights

2009-12-02T22:56:00.003Z

you know,
life suddenly becomes so boring
when you leave me.

i try to catch you back,
try to retrieve those memories.
line by line,
of what you've said to me.

you every single smile,
there are very adorable.
very...

time is all i need,
give me time,
then maybe possibility grows?

tons of thoughts
that kept inside of me,
i do not know when i can tell you.

coz' you always turn me down,
switch me off.

sometimes,
i think i put in too much effort,
trying to float above our problems.

yes
i do admit.
why you choose to leave.

that big difference in both lives,
i know i can never chase you up.
the gap,
is where we are lost in.

you know,
every night,
i think.

i think that maybe some other night
you can be right beside me.
coz' all i know for now is that,
you are the only one i can pour my love on.

now i am here,
proving i can live on my own,
proving what i tell you of being a good student,
proving that i am not scared of this place i am in,
proving to you that when i see you again,
i am fully ready.

to be honest,
everytime when i start to drink,
it just reminds me of you,
in the train,
with that face of disagreement .

a bad boy,
you will say.

there is one thing,
just very one thing
i will ponder for,
ever since that day of separation
do you think of me again?

nights
quiet nights in the UK,
winter comes,
soon snow follows.

and when snow comes
can your smile warm my nights?

角色扮演

2009-11-19T21:17:00.002Z

秒秒之间

面具后的人

多想歇口气。

时间

是限制这面具的期限。

不知

几时又得换。

我在面具后

微笑了。

你看见了吗？

新しい家

2009-11-15T21:27:00.003Z

昨日
新しい家が
探しだった。
Kinou
atarashiiuchiga
sagashidakta.
昨天
我终于
找到新的家了。
Yesterday，
I found
my new home.

よかった。
Youkatta.
真的太好了。
So great.

だけと
来年の夏もう
あの家に
住んでいる。
Daketo
rainennonatsumou
anouchini
sundeiru.
可是
明年的夏天
才能搬进去住。
But,
it's for
next summer
to move in.

部屋は
広くて
きれいだった。
Heyawa
hirokute
kireidakta.
房子
蛮宽广
蛮美的。
It's spacious
and cozy.

今は
待つことが
でくない.
Imawa
matsukotoga
dekunai.
就连现在
我已经不能等了。
Now,
I can't wait
to move in.

デザインすることを
思っている。
Dezainsurukotoo
omotteiru.
在想
怎样设计摆设
我的家俱。
Am thinking of
how to design
my little place already.

ああ！
Aa!
啊啊！
Wahhhhh!

あの所
本当に
好きだった。
Anotokoro
hontouni
sukidakta.
真的
好喜欢
那个地点。
I really
like that place.

The original language I used in this post is Japanese. Chinese and English are for my readers to understand it :)

Finally Found A New Place For Next Summer.

あの人（那个人）

2009-11-10T21:16:00.007Z

あの人
優しくて
若い。
Anohito
Yasashikute
Hansamudakta
那个人
温柔又年轻。

いろいろな
二人のことが
好きだった。
Iroirona
Futarinokotoga
Sukidakta.
有许多
我们的事
好喜欢哦。

君の手が
触れるの時、
心に幸せだった。
Kiminotega
Hurerunotoki
Shiawasedakta
握你的手时，
心里感到好幸福哦。

僕はいつも
あの所を
思う。
Bokuwaitumo
Anotokorowo
Omou.
我常常
想念
那个地方。

今
僕は
君の笑顔
見たい
本当に見たい。
Ima
Bokuwa
Kiminoegao
Mitai
Hontonimitai.
现在
我很想
很想
看见你的笑容。

お元気ですか？
あの人さん。
Ogenkidesuka?
Anohitosan.
那个人
你还好吗？

自由

2009-11-08T17:12:00.002Z

自由的本身，
自由吗？

要得到自由，
需要放下许多包袱。

我
好想，好想
要那一秒的自由。

不是想逃避，
是想好好忘记现实。
活我想要的人生。

"自由の意味は本当に自由？"

半路人

2009-11-04T23:01:00.002Z

你的存在，

即使我用尽一切，

都无法从我的记忆里删除。

半路人的本性，

就是会在你的人生，

流下标记，

也永远都刻在记忆。

你拿走我重要的，

离开也不回头，

无情地，

残忍地，

无形中狠狠地伤害了我。

半路人啊，

半路人，

好请你高抬贵手啊。

Middlesbrough Trip

2009-10-27T17:21:00.017Z

On the 17th October, I went to Middlesbrough on a college trip with my friends. Yeah, I have made new friends here. They are from Malaysia and Hong Kong. The two main places we were visiting were Saltholme Nature Reserve and Ormesby Hall - the 250 years old house.

Well, when I was on the bus, it reminded me of those bus trips I had for drama members to Kuching, Mukah and Sri Aman. Aww!! GUYS I MISS YOU ALL!!! Hope those who are facing SPM this year, Kimmie, Kurtie, Lynette all the best! :)　がんばってね！(Ganbateh ne!)

It took us about 1 hour and 15 minutes to reach an very special clear land where industrial purpose buildings were located. It was the Saltholme Nature Reserve. I was so confused that why would a nature reserve being surrounded by factories?

Whee!~

The whole group were divided into three of nine people. We walked around the place with a tour guide describing us about the nature reserve and leading us to a bird hide.

The observation location where the birds are.

They have a garden for visitors and can you guess what are these things??? - Dead trees planted UPSIDE DOWN.

Group Photo~

After lunch I spent time taking pictures of birds through a window.

aw..... couple bird.

Then we headed to Ormesby Hall and I was so impressed by the house. Can you imagine in the past century, the whole land was owned by this family? and if you were the son of this family, wake up every morning staring at this piece of land is going to be yours and you can ride a white horse searching for your princess? COOL ISN'T IT??

Too bad we couldn't take pictures in the house so we just took as many as we could outside the garden of the house.

It's time to test my new camera~~~~ MACRO MACRO~~

For you information, it's Autumn in Newcastle and it's 8 hours slower than Malaysia, not 7. Sometimes it's cold, windy, drizzling and sometimes it's warm and sunny :)

That's the most recent event that I had with my new friends and the next post will possibly about the up-coming Halloween~

It's party time~ XD

脚步 Footsteps

2009-10-20T07:37:00.005+01:00

脚步
是一种速度。
Footsteps
is a kind of speed.

当我们一起走，
我终是比你快
多你一步。
When we walked together,
I was always faster
by a one step.

心里
其实我在想的东西，
与我们聊的
大大有差。
What I was thinking
inside,
differed from what we chatted.

因为你相信吗？
我怕我会爱上你。
Coz' do you believe?
I was scared to fall for you.

Hmmm.....???

2009-10-19T17:53:00.002+01:00

Right.... People have been buzzing me, saying why am I gone for so long and am I quiting this blog?

The answer is - NO. I am not quiting but resting coz' I do not know why after I got here, all my inspirations have gone and even if I did, it's all about how love could manipulate our feelings in different conditions rather than my recent updates. There is one thing about blogging my recent updates - too much pictures to upload. But I think before that, I will change my blog header and footer with complete fresh look ( I think ). So yeah~ give me some more time to prepare and start all over again with new ideas and new posts. :)

Cheers
tarotism

真相 Truth

2009-10-11T21:02:00.004+01:00

"不是有意的。
It's not on purpose.
因为爱你
Coz' I love you
所以将谎言给你。
and I have no choice but to leave you with the truth.
也十分抱歉
Sorry.. so sorry
将把你一个人留下。
for making you alone here."

我想了很久。
I thought for a while.
就是不懂为什么
Still did not understand
两个相爱的人
why two who love each other so much
终是要分开。
would always be separated in the end.

如果没有爱过，
If there's no love,
人就因该不会
and we won't
被离别的痛苦折磨。
being tortured by separation.

为什么？
Why?
为什么
why
伤心的剧情
heart-breaking scenes
残酷的现实
cruel reality
别人的眼光
people's eyes
是与否
Yes or No
对与错
Right or Wrong
这么重要？
so important?

每个人
Everyone of us
其实只有一次
have only one chance
就那么一次
just once
能感受爱。
to be Love.

一旦错过，
If we missed
人，
we
将永远少了什么。
would always feel incomplete.

Moon Night

2009-10-04T21:56:00.002+01:00

It's a lover's night.
A time when they can finally meet.

Under the shimmering moonlight,
I stood, alone.
Sometimes,
some desperate times,
I thought.

The one had gone,
far.
Now it was another one.
Approaching.
Both appealing.
Both eye-catching.

It's always a distance,
before reaching,
before knowing,
before starting.

This time,
I knew I should stand,
within the lines.

Can't Figure It Out

2009-10-01T22:01:00.003+01:00

Yes.
It is hard to accept a transaction
of Life.

Everday the same routine. But it is a lot more free than Chung Hua. I can still remember that everyday morning, sitting in Che'lle class and talking to her 'bout how i feel day after day. It has been a while and I can feel the distance is even longer and further from my friends. Hmmm...

Everyday morning, sitting outside the class waiting, even they are just in front of me, but we are still strangers. Seeing them chattering, it makes me miss my friends, those days of happiness. Sigh.

I do not expect to meet someone who is equivalent to them here though. Coz' I know no matter what, those friends that I met in Chung Hua, are those who accompanied me through my secondary school life. Well, guys, I really miss you!!! Hope everything is fine. And sorry that I am really busy with things now.

Sigh...

后车厢

2009-09-28T20:09:00.005+01:00

后车厢的风景

每次都是舍不得的。

心很压抑，
很难呼吸。

也有一段日子了，
也慢慢淡忘你了。

没有了酒精的麻醉，
生活真的清醒多了。

爱情的变换，
真的是很难理解。

也因为这样，
到现在还是一张白纸。

Single

2009-09-25T20:46:00.004+01:00

Second week of college,
gone.

People telling me that, it's all efforts and time until you get to find your own circle of friends. *exhales. Well, I do not how to say but all I know is that I do not really care if I could ever find it coz' it won't really matter.

Someone from the college told me this,' Don't just study hard, but live hard in this city. '

It was really nice to have someone English speaking Chinese to me on the first day of my arrival. Yes, indeed. But life is not easy for me over here. First was the place I stay then the college.

Teens over here are much more crazy and immature than those we have back in Malaysia. At this point, I am proud of Malaysians. Let's not say about the disgusting plus horrible experience that I had last Sunday night.

Hmmmm then it's college. Let's talk about college, more of it now.

My first impression was 'OH MY F-ING GOD! Am I really gonna study here? Place like this?' Coz' after the first day of college, I totally felt not right with the college.

I am taking four subjects, Mathematics with other three pure Science subjects.

The first class I entered was Mathematics and the teacher was very nice, in the way she teaches and her attitude. I love her the most among my teachers coz' she was the only one who treats me good. You will know more after I compare her with others.

Then on the particular day, I had Physics. Hmmm this teacher was quite okay but he definitely let me have the same impression of my form 5 Physics teacher - not very good in controlling the crowd. And the way he teaches, trust me, I do not know how my Physics can get any better when it is my weakest subject among four.

Then the second I met my Chemistry teacher who seemed to be quite enthusiastic on the subject he teaches but the more I attended his class, I started to miss Puan Lai back in Chung Hua who really inspired me with Chemistry. Haihz...

Then finally I met my favourite subject Biology's teacher. Well She was the only one who appealed to love her subject even more than the Chemistry teacher coz' she used to be a zoo keeper and got her degree in zoology. Well as I LOVE BIOLOGY so much, of course, I behaved more initiative and all, asking about homework and tests. But who knows I got so insulted by her and at the same time she insulted herself by insulting Science. So disappointing. And now, I really feel like time never pass during my Biology classes coz' the face disgusts me.

Well, yeah. Bloody college is not like secondary school anymore. Never will be. You know, as student, I always believe that if I do my part well and respect the teachers and they will do the same way back to me. But too bad, it never will happen here, a totally different place from Malaysia. Not that I miss Malaysia, just that things don't work out the way I used last time anymore.

Yeah, I still like my Mathematics teacher, at least. She is nice and I respect her. But not other three, they are just....... I have no vocabs to describe coz' whenever I see they, I will go speechless and feel like don't even want to care. Don't know, don't care.

Yeah this is my college.

And a new life, it's always hard to get it in shape.

Sigh...

I miss Hong Kong.

Getting Back To Study

2009-09-13T22:03:00.003+01:00

When I wake up in the morning, it will be my first day of college life. To be honest, I'm quite nervous which cause me unable to sleep now. So I finally decided to blog about my feelings.

Well I don't know if I'm too late to enter college or not. Coz' most of my friends have started theirs in the early months of this year. So I am pretty sure that I have forgotten most of my high school knowledge. I call myself a fast learner and which I believe that I can catch up what is going to come in the future classes. So academically, I think I have no problem coz' they are with my hands. But what makes me nervous is that I have no idea what kind of peer will I have, as I am now in a foreign country. Things are not like back in Malaysia, it's diferent now. And those who I met last week are not taking the same course as I do. So technically, I have not met anyone else in the college during my induction last week.

Okay, talk about other stuffs. I realized that I have grown some weight and I can tell that my body is visibly larger and I really need to sign a membership to a gym. I think the people here are not much into gym or exercise and for some, you cannot believe how enormously huge their sizes are when compared to us Asians. I heard my school has gym and spa, so I guess I will be checking it out coz' I have to do something about my body!!!!! :)

Think I feel much relieved now after expressing them onto my body. Pray for me please:) thanks and have a nice week everyone!!!

(this post is posted through an iPod Touch so no photos uploaded.)

A New Place, A New Life.

2009-09-03T18:53:00.013+01:00

Greetings from Newcastle, from tarotism, to everyone in this blogsphere or my real life friends/family members who know about my blog.This is going to be a long post with captions, words, pictures and comments about my new life in Newcastle Upon Tyne. So I might just want to introduce the place where I homestay. I am not going to put the address down but it is quite near to the city centre if you take the Metro Train.

You see the white door? The window above it is my room. I stay there and it is also where I am writing now hehee. :)
Sorry to let you see my messy bed with my Muji bag on it. This was taken before I go out to settle my enrollment in the college.
That's my wardrobe and my mobile table where I can pull it closer to my bed and sit on it and online. :)
That's the window. I love to have a window at my bed room coz' it feels so much better when you have morning sunlight shinning through the blinds. It feels great seriously.
This is the street where I stay, it is always quiet and you can hardly see people walking along coz' most of them are driving, and which those who are not, they are those walking hehee like me.
This is the nearest Metro Station from where I stay and it takes about 15 minutes for me to walk there. Well, think I have to walk everyday, might as well get some walking exercise? hehe

The funny thing when i first rode on the Metro, I realise that there was no one to check and see if you have bought a ticket or not and there was no one at the station except the ticketing machines. Too bad, they only accept coins, not like Kuala Lumpur and Hong Kong. So the basic idea is, Hong Kong makes the best train service with the Octopus card, then is Malaysia with the Touch 'n' Go machines.

This is the picture when i had my first day trip to the Newcastle City, the place is called Monument. This is sort of like the middle of the city centre. You just imagine it is similar to the middle of A Famosa in Melaka. :)

The Monument.
Waterstone's, the Book Store.
Here, they have Boots, similar to Watsons or Mannings in Hong Kong :)
This is the middle of Eldon Square, a huge shopping mall in the area. And I guess that's the only huge in the city centre.
Topshop is in it. I had a look in it and still feel that I am a loyal H&M fan hehe. :)
The Grainger Street, where it used to be a busy street along the monument when it was a kingdom. And this place you can see a lot of well-preserved old buildings. They are really amazing for people like me to see. Coz' you can hardly even find a large place with undamaged ancient buildings in Malaysia.
Yes, it has become a street where people do shopping coz' there are lots of stores selling everything you need, from your top to your feet. :)

Then I went to the ChinaTown. It was quite disappointing as it was not from what I was told. It is actually a long road with Asian restaurants at the two sides. From Chinese Hong Kong food, Peking food, Thai food and my favourite Japanese food.

Then behind one of the sides of the ChinaTown, it was the Newcastle Town Walls.

Then I took a little rest and found this lonely Burger King shop with less customers. The menu is pretty different from Hong Kong's. I MISS HONG KONG'S BURGER KING AR!!!!
Then this is the Central Station where you can also buy a train ticket, travelling to other places of England from here. It feels like the Hogwarts Express place inside but more modernised.

Well this is the Parsons Building of my college and also where I am going to study in. It's the oldest building, from what I was told. IF I'M NOT, NOT MY FAULT.
There will be more pictures of my college once I have started my college life. Now I am actually waiting for my induction which is tomorrow, then I will know who is teaching me and going to study along with me. I HOPE IT'S GONNA BE GOOD.
That is the fee, 2.90 pounds for a return ticket from where I stay to city centre. And till now, I am still learning how to recognise the coins. They have 1 penny, 2 pence, 5 pence, 10 pence, 20 pence, 50 pence 1 pound and 2 pounds. OMG... THE SIZE DIFFERENT AND COLOUR DIFFERENT LAGIK I CONFUSED.

Then one day, I searched online and decided to go to one Japanese Restaurant, HanaHana, in Japanese means FlowerFlower. :)

I had the Chicken Teriyaki set lunch coz I mean the taste of Japanese foods, especially salt ones haha. AND MY MISO SOUP!!!

AW I LOVE MISO SOUP!!!

So that's the end of my first introduction to you guys and will update more and more that I learn from this city. I am still new but I'll try to fit in as fast as possible.

I have to thank my family members and friends, those who skyped with me or Msn video called with me, listening to me on how I feel and all. THANKS YOU GUYS! I would feel a lot lonelier if you guys weren't there for me. I LOVE YOU ALL!!! :)

Thanks for reading!

Unspoken Thoughts

2009-09-02T18:41:00.003+01:00

Walking along the street,
I am a total stranger.
Looking through my Rayban,
I see a different world.

It is cold and windy.
Chilly winds touch me,
assuring that,
there will be no more hot and humid.

People stared at me,
with faces of curiosity.
But I know them,
all of them,
English.

Yes.
Finally here.
And 7 hours slower than you.

Maybe that's good,
for everyone.

Things are gonna change.
But I know that,
I won't be making the same mistake again.

The Behind, The Front

2009-08-26T16:23:00.000+01:00

It's less than 12 hours that I am gonna stay in Miri. Yes, I have been waiting for this moments for don't-know-how-many-months and now it finally comes true.

Hmm, when I look back, the time when I came to conscious about actually planning my future path, I was so naive and innocent. Thinking that choosing a suitable college at a nice place and the applications weren't so hard. But who knows, this one took me almost a year. I have been preparing since September 2008 till now, that I finally heading to UK for another long term of higher education.

I always love to study, love to know more things about this world and myself. So actually, I am really excited about the courses I am taking in the future. Like the past few months, I had been studying Japanese and that was a really great and unforgettable experience. I had a life in Hong Kong, a life that I would have hope for, which sped up my growing mind and maturity. Hmmm, Hong Kong. When I think about it now, I really wish that I could stay for longer, like a month. Coz' there is something still hanging with no ending. Guess I could only either let it stay like that or probably move on.

This morning, I went to temple. Not that I am a very religious people, but I do have some faith. I told the Goddess that, let whatever had happened in the past, my seventeen years of life, Hong Kong and my love life be kept away from me as I leave for UK. Coz' I don't want them to disturb me anymore, I have to move on. I lit the largest candle in the shape of a lotus flower to show my sincerity.

Now, let's just hope that I can adapt the new environment very fast and find some place as my territory. I know this time I won't be having homesick after being trained in Hong Kong. I never have homesick problem. But some rather tiny-winy problems.

I told myself that, I had taught myself to be stronger, more mature, independent and open-minded. So I shall just take whatever stress in any forms in the future all in. Coz' no matter how hard you try to oppose, they are just life and fate, cannot be change or pre-notified.

Hmmm and guess I am so gonna miss next year's Chinese New Year. All the firecrackers, the joyful scences and those 'angpaus' haha. And I will have to skype across the globe in order to see my family celebrating it back in Sitiawan. Sigh, so coincidentally that the first day falls on the Valentine's day, maybe I shall go out with a date instead?? hehee. *wink

The packing is 98% done and still have something forget to buy. Have to get it tomorrow early morning. Now, I shall enjoy the last night in Miri until I come back for vacation. :)

Nights guys! Will update very soon once I settle in UK!!

MISS ALL MY FAMILY MEMBERS AND FRIENDS!!! HUGS AND MUACKS!

戒酒 Sober

2009-08-23T16:45:00.003+01:00

我
举起酒杯
在人群中
无忧无虑
跳起舞
Raising the wine glass
into the air
and start dancing
like there's no tomorrow

现在
青春
是我拥有的
Coz'
I know I'm
young and beautiful

喝醉了
头晕了
脚软了
心死了
Feeling drunk
feeling tipsy
feeling tired
and my heart's broken

本来
还有想过
为了你
戒酒
因为
你的眼神
说你很失望
Was thinking
of quiting
my favourite alcohol
just for you
coz from your eyes
they told me you were
disappointed

可是
现在的我
不会再理你了
But
I don't think
I care about that anymore

时差 Time Difference

2009-08-19T14:56:00.003+01:00

天气变了
空气变了
情绪变了
Different weather.
Different air.
Different mood.

时间
也完全不同了。
Time is no longer
the same.

未来的日子
我们相差七小时。
Soon,
it's seven time difference.

我想，
不会再烦你了
不会再想你了
I think
I won't bother you anymore
I won't think of you anymore.

我们还是
离彼此
越远越好。
It'd be better
if we stay
as far as we can.

时差
则是
第一步吧！
The first step
time difference.

The Annoucement

2009-08-12T08:44:00.003+01:00

Yes.
I knew I was thinking too much,
of what I should not be.

It's you
the one who started all of these,
and I was just wanting to know why you did.
You just wanted to keep it within yourself.

I lowered my head,
comforting myself that
it's not worth it to wait.

Coz' I knew I had developed feelings
and reached some kind of level I could not control.

But what you said,
really shut it down.

I stayed in the silence,
classifying you into
"Passerby" of my life.

I told myself,
I would never say anything to you,
anymore
forever.

Coz' weren't you the one,
who won't think too much?

***Dear readers,

tarotism will be disappearing for quite a long time til some day. Coz' he sort of find no reasons to continue all these anymore. Thanks you guys for reading his posts whether they are nonsense or not. Thanks! ( Bow to you, my reader. )

Sigh
Chiaoz~
tarotism***

想哭 Cry

2009-08-11T13:57:00.004+01:00

有点想哭。
想把你给哭出来。
也许，
哭完了就会好点。
Feel like crying,
thinking that,
maybe crying,
can release you from me.

你不回我的电邮，
让我一个人，
傻傻地，
痴痴的地，
等。
You never reply my message,
leaving me unanswered.
You let me,
wait like
a fool,
an idiot.

可能你心里知道，
说，
这样做，
对你，
对我，
都好。
Guess you know that,
doing this,
will be best
for you,
and me.

但，
我很不想，
就这样，
算了。
But,
I really don't want
just end it that way.

Sigh.

Remembering Hong Kong

2009-08-11T03:28:00.004+01:00

I stared at the computer screen, my mind was so empty till I felt exhaustion.

Coz' I have been doing lots of thinking after I got back from Hong Kong. And before I manage to get enough rest, I have to fly over to Kuala Lumpur to apply my UK Visa for my future studies.

Such excitement that I had eight months ago was really gone. I mean, I am not technically THAT excited to go UK anymore. Coz' I rather feel scared, panicked and disoriented. At this point of time, what I do is just listening to music that I love during my stay in Hong Kong, so that I can roughly feel the imagined Hong Kong air.

Undeniably, I really miss Hong Kong. I miss the bus trips, the MTR Stations, Ferry Piers, Fusion at DB, Sopranos, Tung Chung, Central, Lan Kwai Fong, Causeway Bay, Tsim Sha Shui and that special Jordan. I can still see Hong Kong when I plug in songs I normally listen to in Hong Kong and close my eyes.

Seeing myself, crossing the roads, riding those cabs, going Muji and Uniqlo shops, wiping my sweat off my forehead and that answering phone call in the MTR.

I miss that small but cozy apartment that my brother has. It was a nice place to stay, to live and especially to drink. :) Speaking of drinking, I think I will have to cut down my drinkings and eventually quit it. Coz' everytime I want to drink now, I have such guiltiness, that cause you o be so turned off. Sigh... I just can't stop missing Hong Kong.

Give me some time, and I will work hard so that I can go back again once more. And the next time, I won't be so defensive, so naive, so coward and acting so childish anymore. Let me prove, that I can grow to be more independent, mature-thinking and qualified enough to fall in love again.

不舍得 - 香港

2009-08-05T02:05:00.006+01:00

第三次来到这里，
感觉不一样。
Third time coming here,
Hong Kong,
with a different feeling.

很快很快，
我就要吻别香港了。
也不知道几时会回来。
Very soon,
I'd be kissing Hong Kong goodbye,
and I do not know when I can come back.

心中是真的真的不舍得，
因为我太爱这里，
因为你在这里，
因为他们在这里，
因为我人生的重要一篇章，
写在香港这里。
也将停留在这里。
I will really miss this place,
Coz' I love it here too much,
Coz' you are here,
Coz' they are here,
Coz' one of my life chapter,
is written in Hong Kong,
and will be gonna stay here forever.

这一次来，
我终于完成我对我自己的一项任务。
This time here,
I have completed one task.

完成了，
结束了。
It's done.
It's ended.

我想，
我也该学会
不要回头看。
I think,
I should learn to not
to look back.

因为有那美好的回忆，
我就该向前继续走。
Coz' I should really move on,
with those sweet memories.

吻别了香港！
Goodbye!
Hong Kong!

Night-Dreaming

2009-07-25T18:38:00.002+01:00

There were supposed to be a 'us'.
It's all different now.

Riding the train with no destination,
Coz' you were the decisive one.
So I just sat there,
and fall asleep
while night-dreaming.

It was that room,
with a window by the bed.
Early morning,
the two of us under the sheets,
soundlessly asleep.

Then it was your moist lips,
woke me up.

I saw your face,
I felt your touch,
I sensed your love.

It was great.
To have you around.

He patted on my shoulder.
and I woke up out of surprise.

I missed your face,
I needed your touch,
I craved for your love.

Now,
there was only me,
with my pathetic night-dreaming,
trying to feel your existence.

On Dinning Table

2009-07-24T18:45:00.007+01:00

It brings us together.
Be accompanied.

We gathered,
updating each other with
laughter,
issues,
worries,
and future plans.

It feels good,
to be with people
when everyone is blood-related.

On the opposite side,
it emphasises how lonely I am,
deep inside.

Coz' there is someone who is missing,
on the dinning table.

To Someone.

2009-07-23T17:49:00.003+01:00

Every time I think of you,
there is a sudden period of happiness.
From the first sight I caught of you,
somehow,
I knew that
you are someone who will own part of my heart.

There are feelings I cannot explain,
no matter how hard I try.

If I were to say 'I Need You',
am I too selfish and childish?
If I were to say "I Love You',
am I too silly and naive?

Wine,
get me some now.

To distract my affection on you.
To stray away my thoughts of you.
To let me wake up in the morning without imagining you beside me.
To not having me to think where you are whenever I need you.

They are between 'Need' and 'Love'.
So uncertain and surreal.
But I really need to clear it out now.

And move on.

Roots.

2009-07-23T12:56:00.008+01:00

One, Two, Three.
One by one,
it goes on.

Life,
can be seen with many dots.
But once we reach the next dot,
we always forget the previous one.

Coz' we move on,
and never look back.
Not even do pausing.

Yes.
It'd been long time
since I finished my high school.

And then

Prom,

Hong Kong Christmas,
Chinese New Year,
SPM Results,
Hong Kong,
Japanese Course,
Miri,
Hong Kong,
That Someone,
Now,
My hometown.

Yes. I have been doing lots and lots of moving-ons.

I swear I never pause.

But now.
I have to get back to my roots.
To where I find all my passions
about this Life Tree.

Roots.
I will have to know how to get to you,
without hurting the tree itself.

ForGive Me.
Dray.

'Oranged'

2009-07-22T02:54:00.002+01:00

You said before,
that you love orange juice.
So I started to take note.
And keep it inside me.

The taste of orange,
it really tastes like you,
energetic,
optimistic,
always put on a smile on your face,
Serious but soft-hearted.

I know that,
you are all,
I desire.
I want to feel 'Oranged'.

A Kind Of Wedding

2009-07-21T14:43:00.004+01:00

They got married,
for a life time.

It was an empty wedding.
No one was invited.
Just the three of them.

The aisle of the church was decorated,
with favourite colour of roses - red.

They walked through towards the altar,
with their arms chained firm,
knowing that they would be together forever.

The Priest completed the whole ceremony,
every word of his,
showered them with blessings.

After they exchanged their rings,
they kissed.
The Priest was shy and focused away his sight.

Thought there was no one,
they knew that this was a kind of wedding.

香港的手信 Souvenir From Hong Kong

2009-07-18T19:23:00.003+01:00

香港的夜晚，
很美。
到处都是五彩缤纷的灯光，
真的很美。

我站在码头边，
边欣赏夜晚，
边记住我在这儿的日子。

然后我就想起了你。

是香港，

让我遇见了你。

才发现彼此都是异乡人。

说真的，

因为碰上你，

香港变得更美了。

虽然只是顿午餐，

但是轻松与无束缚的。

现在的我，

不同了。

也不会再过于

渴望爱情的降临。

记忆中的香港，

只要有你，

我想那是老天爷送我最好的手信了。

The colourful lights on buildings sparkled, presenting a spectacular night view of Hong Kong. I stood by the pier side, admiring the breathtaking sky view and engraving every bit of memories during my stay of Hong Kong in my heart. Then I thought of you. I met you here but both are foreigners.

To be honest, it as you that made Hong Kong meant so much to me. Although it was just a lunch, I still found myself so comfortable and enjoying those cute moments. And now I realised, I have changed, different from the past. Coz' I am less demanding for true love.

So you are the best souvenir I get from Hong Kong, from the Him up there.

上错车

2009-07-10T07:25:00.002+01:00

人，
是一种会犯错的生物。

独自一个人时，
心里终是想些有的没的。

所以偏偏在爱情的停车站，
上错了车。

可怕的不是自己会被带到什么地方，
却是连自己上错了车也不知道。

有时心想，
这辆车是否是对的。

我觉得，
我好像，
上错车了。

When I Am Alone.

2009-07-07T19:27:00.003+01:00

A simpler life. And that's what I hope for. Let the things be where and how they are supposed to be, don't change it into some other way. I hate it after I have grown up, when I know more about this world. I really hate it. Somehow, I liked the life when I just needed to focus on my studies and then other things were just none of my business.

Went to Karaoke with my Japanese Course friends. It was really fun and all. I love to spend time with them even the age gap is really big between us. They are cool! :) Since my Cantonese isn't that good, I could only manage to sing Mandarin and English songs. It has been a long time I ever listen or sing Lee Hom's songs coz' I have attached some memories of someone on most of his songs and I just don't want to be reminded of it. Coz' I will start to feel ashamed of myself or pity myself for falling into love with that person. So when I started to sing one of his songs, those memories and feelings were brought back to live again. And I know that that part was the beginning of my question.

So I sort of found the front part of the answer for my question. This time I should not just turn a blind eye again. So if I can clear that answer with a good answer, I can just have a simpler life where all I need to do is to focus fully on my studies in the future, eliminating those sinful and silly thoughts or desires about love. Coz' the outcome of the new me will be that Lover without Love, a half Gemini who could live alone.

I am really tired. So tired. Feel like hurting myself so I will feel less guilty of what have happened all this while. I keep on asking myself, can I stop all these craps? And I fail to even face it when I realise how weak, useless and deceitful I am. Sigh.

Every time when I am alone,
I will think of it,
And feel ashamed.

I know I am guilty and sinful,
by just trying to pretend not see it.

So now,
all I will wish for,
is a simpler life.

At the same time,
I know I can never wash my blood again.

A Time

2009-07-06T17:03:00.001+01:00

Yes. I have sort of avoiding myself from blogging. Coz' my blog has what I really think about things and myself. It is like a mirror, kept on reflecting my thoughts and telling me, reminding me how pathetic, silly and untruth to myself.

No. I am not ready yet, to blog.

There is only 8 days left for me to stay in Hong Kong already. I never thought that I would actually miss Hong Kong once I am gone. It is a great place for life. So probably I am planning to come here to work once I get my medical license.

Have been watching Grey's Anatomy lately. People kept on doubting me if I am eligible to be a surgeon. So to gain more self-confidence, I am starting to watch this kind of dramas, films and even documentaries. I know I can and that's the most important thing isn't it?

The past few days, my mind was still hovering around a question that had been blocking my thoughts every time I tried to see things more transparently.

But still it was still unanswered. Meanwhile, I shall let the question answered by itself.

Sigh.

*resting.

Call For A Break

2009-06-26T18:18:00.002+01:00

Have had a fully-packed week and kinda not in good mood of writing anything. Yes, I do have lots of inspiration for my posts but I need to call for a break.

Sigh.

北极 North Pole

2009-06-23T13:19:00.003+01:00

一个下着大雨的下午，
嘴里含着冷冷的
绿茶雪糕。

怎样也不会冷过我心中，
那好久好久的空虚感。

至今，
我的心已冻结了。

是你。

是因为你的离开，
把我带到那孤单寂寞的北半球，
慢慢冬眠了。

English Version

One raining afternoon,
tasting that cold
Green Tea Ice-Cream.

But it still cannot beat
the icy emptiness of my heart.

Now,
my heart is frozen.

It's you.
Coz' you left.
And brought me to the
lonely and boring
North Pole of Earth.

Slowly,
I fall into hibernation.

Written in a Japanese Restaurant, 4.00p.m. (GMT+8).

Rule, The.

2009-06-18T12:36:00.004+01:00

It always feels like,
there's a rule,
manipulating this world.

When you meet your love,
he is either
no interests in you,
or preoccupied.

When someone confess to you,
telling you how important you are to him,
but you tell yourself,
you deserve better.

Or,

two people fallen in deep love,
wanting to believe,
how perfectly suitable they are
for each other.

Under the challenge of time,
interests die,
perfection fades.
And love wears out.

In the end,
either the situation of,
I love You, You love Him, or He loves Me,
We are still alone,
facing and dealing with this rule of nature.

规则

2009-06-17T18:59:00.003+01:00

这个世界，
有种奇怪的规则。

当你遇到心爱的人时，
人家不是对你没意思，
不然就是有别人了。

当别人向你表白，
说你在他心中是多么的重要时，
你却对自己说你该得到更好的。

或者，

两人彼此相爱时，
不断说服自己，
那眼前的那个，
是非常完美的。

可谁知，
完美的脸孔，
在长久的日子里，
一天一天地被揭穿。

到最后，
不管是，
我爱你，你爱他，还是他爱我，
人依然是孤独着
面对这种奇怪的规则。

English Version in next post.

A Night

2009-06-17T06:25:00.007+01:00

I apologize for leaving this blog soundless for a few days. Coz' I have been in an emotional unstable mode again.

Last night, I gave my Theatre-Watching virginity to Hong Kong. I went to watch the play - Closer brought by Hong Kong Fringe Club. This play is one of the best new plays in the 90s. And tihs play was also being shot into a film by the director, Mike Nicols. Went with my another online friend, Gerald. We met at the Central MTR Exit and headed towards Lang Kwai Fong ( where Fringe Club is near to ) and chit-chatted in typical Singlish.

Excited, to watch a real drama. We arrived early and had some talks at the bar. It was so funny that I was the youngest one among the audience ( from comparing physical characteristics ).

We went into the theatre and I was so happy coz it looked so professional and AWESOME!!!
( Just for my ex-drama members know, it looks like the Kuching State Level 2007 one in Serian but even smaller but more occupied with many stage technical equipments. ) Take a look click here.

We picked the middle seats which he thought they had the best view to watch the whole thing. He told me he went to Mongkok in the afternoon so might fall asleep in the middle of the show and wanted me to pinch him if he did. ( But he didn't. hehe )

The performance started after 10 minutes the audience was settled. The actors and actresses spoke in fluent English in British accent. It was fabulous. For the acting wise, I was not satisfied with the main actor. Not gonna focus much on their acting but the story.

The story described vividly how such modern romance could pull four completely strangers - a stripper, a photographer, a doctor and a wannabe-novelist together. Among them, there were betrayals, sexes and those love temptations. They also included those adult humors in the play. Coz' they used foul languages during the play so those under the age of 16 were restricted to watch. ( LUCKY ME!!! )

It was one of the best nights in Hong Kong coz' I wanted to watch theatre performances so much. And thanks Gerald for going with me.

After the play, we went to a Hong Kong restaurant to have our late dinner ( 10.00pm GMT+8 ). And then we said goodbye to each other. He used mini bus while I was going to ride the ferry back to DB.

From Central to the ferry pier, it took quite a time for me to walk there.

The night sky of Hong Kong,
foggy but light was dispersed.
Walking alone on the quiet street,
feeling the cool air of the after-rain.
And my soul finally rested.

Reached home at 'bout 12.00a.m. and then went to sleep after a shower.

So that's my day.

Here's another thing I'd like to share. I spent one hour in HMV finding new released albums and films. I saw Zee Avi's Bitter Heart was on the shelves. I went to listen the songs and immediately fall in love with the soother of acoustic music. I remembered Che'lle introduced her on her blog and felt so proud that Zee Avi is a Malaysian. Gosh... she is GOOD!!! ;)
( To find out more about her click the links at the sidebar under * New Pick * )

Bye for now!

糖果

2009-06-15T16:30:00.001+01:00

你说

当你不在时，
叫我吃
你最爱的糖果。

就会感觉你在身旁。

所以
都是糖果陪着我
渡过你不在的时候。

现在
躺在床上，
含着糖果。

为什么
感觉不到你了?

English Version.

You asked me
to eat your favourite candy
when you were not with me.

And I would feel your presence
immediately.

So every time
the candy accompanied me
when I started to miss you.

But now,
lying on my bed
tasting that candy

and why
I couldn't feel you anymore?

After 18 - Rails Ahead of Me

2009-06-11T15:21:00.002+01:00

Figuring, that's the only thing I have been doing after I turn 18. People tell me, 'Oh! you can do whatever you want. Enjoy being young and beautiful while you still can. Be crazy be fun be spontaneous be able to say yes to things you never try as long as you are safe and taking care of yourself.'

While, for I know about myself, is that turning 18 is nothing to do with those enthusiasms of being a 18. But something more real, more important, more secure and more workable. My future plan.

It has been three days, thinking, choosing, deciding and picturing my future life. Owh don't you ever sass me if you think it's too early. I like my things laid out clearly and I will stick to it.

And in these few days, I had been missing someone. I cannot say I fall in love, but I do wish we could spend more time together. Yeah I do wish that.

I have been trying to ease my 'Emoness' coz' after turning 18 I start to realise that how naive I have been, trying to desire something rarely real nor solid. But then I won't stop writing those posts coz' they represent my insecurities and imaginations.

So.. I am glad to be a young adult after all.

False Alarm

2009-06-09T16:19:00.002+01:00

I felt vibrations
at my fingers.

*maybe is you!!

Quickly,
grabbed my phone
from my pocket.

*aww...
it's an advertisement message.

Now you know how much
you are to me right?

So
CALL ME OR MESSAGE ME
your spontaneous way
coz' I like it.

Gosh,
it's a false alarm.

Video of My 18th Birthday.

2009-06-08T16:01:00.001+01:00

Thanks Griz and Ryan for making me feel less lonely on my 18th Birthday. ;)

The Greatest Present Ever.

2009-06-07T17:00:00.001+01:00

Lately, have been playing a game with Lala. We send each other letters so I start to have the habit of checking my mailbox.

Then this time is my brother who checked the mailbox.

When I opened it, I was so shocked and moved. * Awww guys!!!

When did I took that picture???

They made a birthday card out of lots of photos reminding me those memories we shared.

Those were my happiest times. New Years' Eve. I'm so gonna miss you guys this year's New Year's Eve.

This one is so long time ago, two years back during the 'Gotong-Royong'. Omg... you guys!!!

Owh these two are thee Classic pieces. The 'Mantu' of 2006 Drama Team. And The Maple Story. Those days... I did enjoyed to the fullest.

This one, we took it in Jillian's classroom. Oh I still hate my high school uniform.

This one, has been one of my dreams, driving to the beach and hanging out with my friends. We have to go again in July!!!

The Orientation, the three little angels. Awwwww!!!

Lala's birthday, flying kites and that's my first time.

When I was 14 years old, with Lala, Che'lle and also our teacher.

This one, when Che'lle went back to Miri after her first semester in Taylor and we hanged out by the beach with Mia and Zin.

Gosh when I saw this one, it made me cried. Coz' I am sure my friends know what it means to me. Prom 2008.

Such a pleasure, dancing waltz with the Prom Queen, Bevee. That night, what a blast.

Omg, I'm just turning 18 and got booked by who? My friends. See? I'm untouchable. ;)

Friends,

I am so grateful to have met you guys at different time, different purpose. You guys have been staying by my side when I need someone for comforts and all. And I am so moved that you guys made this lovely and remarkable birthday card. I will never wish for anything better than that from you guys. I wish you guys every happiness, every success in you lives and thanks for being my friends. *shed tears.

I miss you guys so much. And I think I am gonna have a lonely birthday night. Oh GUYS!!!

T.T

Before 18 - Two Happy Things

2009-06-07T02:52:00.008+01:00

1st.

Last Thursday, I finally met up my online friend, Patrick, that we knew each other through Matt ( Matthew Mitcham ). We adore Matt! So I told him I came to Hong Kong this year for a long-term vacation and we decided to meet up. He was the planner of the whole thing coz I hardly knew anything else than Hong Kong city. He brought his friend, Niki, a very charming and sweet girl with us to Stanley, a.k.a. 赤柱 in Chinese.

I met them in the Central MTR Station and we used the 6X Citybus to go Stanley. They were so nervous that Stanley would turn out boring to me. We talked and talked on the bus, about anything we could think of. Colleges, hobbies, preferences, families, enough to occupy the whole 30 minutes from Central to Stanley in the bus.

We walked along the bay, discovering loads of Caucasians having their afternoon liqours and enjoying the big sunny atmosphere. Those bars and lounges were designed in such themes like European, Mexican, American and more. They were along the road. Some shops hanging their menus, brunch sets, Happy Hours and prices for liqours. I personally think... VERY NICE! :)

Then we headed to the Stanley Market. It's a narrow alley dividing into two at the middle. Tourist shops were all along the alley, selling Chinese stuffs, I♥HK T-shirts, Key chains with individual names on it and leather bags from China sold with bargain prices. It sounded so interesting right? But trust me,

IF YOU NEVER THOUGHT OF BUYING, DON'T TOUCH THEIR ITEMS OR ELSE YOU'LL GET SCOLDED.

Then we decided to take a little rest at a very local street stall along the alley and Patrick ordered me the 西多士, a local Hong Kong delicacy. It was technically fried toast filled with syrup in the middle covered with eggs and served with butter on it. It tasted sweet and good for an afternoon tea.

Yummy!

Then we decided to go the Hong Kong Maritime Museum. It was such a pleasure to know more about Hong Kong and her Maritime History.

The museam exhibited two galleries, making the visitors easier to understand and learn about Hong Kong. There were the Ancient Gallery and Modern Gallery.

The Ancient Gallery exhibited from the trading of China with Japan, China with British, China with India and all those historical records. From Han Dynasty till Qing Dynasty, those ships' samples were clearly described and those import and export items between the Chinese and Western and China's neighbours.

The Modern Gallery had presented an advance development of technology in the area of Maritime Trading and also the newly invented or researched tools at those old centuries that made sailing safer and easier.

There were so much so me to learn and so glad I went there. Thanks Patrick and Niki!!! ;)

Then afterthat we started to... TAKE PICTURES!!!

That's Niki and Me taking pictures.

That's Patrick and Me.

So delighted to have known the two of them.

Then we walked down the pavement to the Blake Pier. The intensity of the sunlight and the weather were so suitable for photo-taking.

That's the pier from a distance view at the bay.

Hi!!!

I didn't know they love taking pictures too hehee.

Here are some pictures taken from my camera phone and would like to share with you.

Niki 1.

Niki 2.

Patrick 1.

And MYSELF! * okay I shall stop being so hyper.

Then before we walked to the Bus Interchange, Niki wanted to take a picture of her and we helped out. XD

Then at about 5.45p.m. the bus departed from a newly known place to me, Stanley, back to Central.

THANKS ALOT PATRICK AND NIKI!!! HOPE TO MEET UP AGAIN!

2nd.

Last Tuesday, I went to collect my pre-ordered The Sims 3 and I had not been free to blog about it. I have been a loyal The Sims 3's fan since I was 12 years old. I played The Sims to The Sims 2 and now The Sims 3. AsI grow up... The Sims 3 also grow huh?

I pre-ordered the Collector's Set which includes The Sim's 3 Mug, 2 GB The Sim 3 Pendrive, a The Sims 3 poster and a The Sims 3 Pen.

Too bad... I haven't installed to play. Will tell you how I feel after I try.

TaTaz~~

These are the two happy things before I turn... 18 years old.

*don't say my blog always emo again arh!!! :)

Before 18 - Defeated

2009-06-05T17:00:00.000+01:00

I do not know how to describe a certain insecurity inside of me. Like I said in previous posts, I sort of lose those passions wanting to be a young adult.

The world Creator has put me through tons of things with extreme difficulty level that I know I will just fail them no matter how hard I try, they are beyond me limits.

"Push your limits" they say. But those limits are not being decided by you. Nope. They are controlled by other people.

Tired. I am really tired now. Emotionally, I feel like just jump down a building. Coz' I cannot take it anymore. Too much for me to take it all in.

First is someone's relationship that I got involved indirectly, then is my family, then my bloody and pitiful love imaginations. Gosh, they are too much.

I told my friends that I have never been so great before, especially now in Hong Kong. Coz' the point of not being with parents really widened my freedom and also, I do not feel so up tight everyday once I wake up in the morning or afternoon.

Miss home you say? Nope. I am not a very home boy at all. Yes. I call but I do not miss them. I can proof to you. Since I am now in Hong Kong with my brother flying off to work so often and his girl friend working whole day, technically I can say I am always on my own. I never miss my family back home before.

Time flies. And I realise I have wasted my 17 years, and keep wasting. I do not know how to express such feeling. When I was 16, I realised something more about myself and at the same time, I fall in love with someone I knew I would not have any future with. Then I messed up my study and got moved to another class. Then last year was a fucking year I could say. The classroom was like hell, the classmates were so immature that they risked the consequences of teasing me and ended up us in the principal office. Such childish students. But then again, after that incident we became better. End of last year was the most important public tests that would decide one's future. And I thought I messed it up too, for God's sake. Meanwhile, preparing my application to UK but I could not go in January unexpectedly.

Then this year, probably the most relaxed year I will ever have in my entire life. Hong Kong, is so great, never be so happy before. As a visitor to Hong Kong, it feeds my curiosity in wanting to know more about it. Do not have to say, I love it here.

But now, after a phone call from family just now, my moods got spoiled so badly. Like usual, those yelling at the phones, those harsh words transmitting in the wires. Sigh.

Then unknowingly got involved into someone's frustrating relationship. All I know was out of a sudden was I am being disliked. Quite hard to explain but I have chosen to just ignore and be true to myself.

Few days back, met someone and had a simple lunch together. Talked and talked. Laughter, cute teases, those moments along the Causeway Bay street, I really cannot forget even now. And I am so angry with myself that I fall into love so easily. Now I really feel exhausted, with those crushes and intimacies.

I do not want to turn 18. I hate 18 now, even I am not in two more days. Coz' I have lost faith in just everything. Sorry if I ever make you feel sad or emotionally unstable, I apologize with my heart.

So please do not ruin my weekend and if it happens, guess it will be another tarotism starting from 8 June. I can foresee already. Clubbing till 12am or later, low self-esteem, hung over every morning/ afternoon, do whatever feel good.

No more love and family please. I hate them. So much.

The sky is grey,
but not going to rain.
Coz' the clouds tell me that,
they'll wait until I'm defeated.

Feeling Better

2009-06-03T16:05:00.002+01:00

Days and days
of sleepless nights
have come to an end.

7 hours ago,
I confessed.

Telling you
the truth of my heart.

You said
'It's alright.'

And I feel better now.

So from now onwards
I will take it
step by step.

Recently

2009-06-02T18:13:00.003+01:00

Many things have been going on with me recently. Things of myself, things of other people around me. I guess my readers would probably get bored by all those emotional bilingual posts I posted few days back.

Hmm... my blog's motto : Take A Risk Or Treat Inevitable Consequence As Life Survival, honestly speaking, I, myself have not been sticking to it for a couple of weeks. Coz' growing up, I start to be exposed to things, situations or maybe people that I only hear of but not meet of. And I do not know what I want, what I am getting, what I have to do.

Turning 18 in 4 bloody days. ( Yeah. BLOODY DAYS. )

I don't know why I have lost all those passions of wanting to become a 18-year-old young adult. You might think that saying I'm not ready is just an excuse but I shall tell you that there have been loads of things just popped up from no where trying to dislocate me.

I am not gonna introduce them but they are roughly of those topics you can easily guess of.

LOVE.FRIENDS.FAMILY.HONG KONG.PEOPLE I MET ONLINE AND WENT LUNCH TOGETHER.

They just occupied my time fully, even when I am sleeping.

Love life? Oh well, tarotism never have love life before. Those posts you read last time are those he imagined it with him and the one he loves/admires secretly. Pitiful? Yea. Trust me, he gets it totally. Clear everyone?

Friends? Omg... I JUST MISS MY FRIENDS SO MUCH. I miss those times when we were innocent enough, just ordered a coffee in either Coffee Bean or Starbucks and gossipped the whole afternoon until we had to call parents to fetch us home. Those times were so fun, so less tensed. FRIENDS!!! I MISS AND LOVE YOU GUYS!!!

Family huh? That part I shall just skip it.

Hong Kong is a lovely place. The previous statement is true. It is a place, like other cities, with so many possibilities. It sounds good? Yes, but at the same time, it means it can be a bit too much for me. Try anything you see, eat anything you want, go anywhere you think of going, do whatever you feel like and relax. This is the Hong Kong from my opinion. Despite the fact that Swine Flu strikes Hong Kong, I love it here so much as to compared to Miri. So... no homesick huh?

About people I met from the Internet and had lunch together. You might have to wait and check if there are more things happen in the future. Meanwhile, please pray for me. *The post : Truth of My Heart is the first post of this category.

Still cannot sleep.
Coz' there is something out there.
Waiting for me.
And hurt my heart again.
So I shall stay in the cave,
until everything ends.

CaveMan

2009-06-02T14:40:00.004+01:00

Escape.
Started to hide myself.
From this reality.

This world,
is too much for me now.

Shall take it bits by bits.

Love?
Is just a need.
Isn't it?

Hiding myself in the cave.
Until I am ready
and confident enough
to fall in love again.

Turning 18 in 5 days.

Frankly speaking,
I have just realised
I should not turn 18 so fast.

Coz'
I am still 'Timid'.
Like what you said
yesterday.

内心话 Truth of My Heart

2009-06-01T12:58:00.003+01:00

第一次，
就这样结束了。

为什么，
离开时
心里有种罪恶感？

一路
想着
你的脸
你的眼
你的唇。

魅力无比。

因为怕受伤，
才如此拒绝。

可是，
我现在后悔
连水也洗不掉你了。

English Version.

So it ended,
the first time.

Why did I feel
guiltiness inside
when I left?

Your face,
your eyes,
your lips,
occupied my thoughts
when I went away.

Your attraction was irresistible.

I was scared to be hurt again
and that's why I rejected.

But now,
I regret
and cannot
wipe you off with water.

睡着了 Fallen Asleep

2009-05-31T15:48:00.007+01:00

不知不觉
发现自己
已不像以前那么有耐心了。

等着等着。。。

在没有你的怀里，
睡着了。

可能是因为
害怕接受没有你的事实，

所以才逼自己
到梦里寻找
属于自己的你。

English Version.

Unknowingly,
realised that
I was no longer that patient anymore.

Waiting...

and fall asleep
without your presence.

Maybe because
I scared to admit
the fact that you're gone,

and forced myself
to find my only you
in my dreams.

酒 Alcohol

2009-05-30T18:05:00.003+01:00

酒精起作用了。

第一次，
觉得自己
知道什么是
麻醉自己。

电视里的爱情
是多么的简单
是多么的甜蜜

却是虚幻的。

麻醉
使心结消失。

那个问题
等醒来再说吧。

English Version.

It starts to take effect.

For the first time,
to ever understand
what is to anaesthetize oneself.

The love story in the film
so simple and sweet.

But it's all fantasy.

Alcohol
disappears the problem
in my heart.

That problem,
I'll just leave it till
I am conscious.

Broken

2009-05-29T20:39:00.002+01:00

In your eyes,
I see myself
as broken pieces
of mirror.

Never be mend.
Never be brand new.

Once.
Twice.
Thrice.
I tried to cover those wounds.
And waiting for love again.

Maybe I started to lose count.
Or even stop counting.

Coz' even how hard I pretend,
I would only be incomplete.

Red Love

2009-05-28T17:05:00.000+01:00

is
kisses
sex
love.

Red

a very seductive colour.
a very addictive and daring colour.

Fire

similar to red.
similar to love.

But when love hurts,
blood is also red
and
fire is also dangerous.

私奔 Ran Away

2009-05-27T18:16:00.004+01:00

不要停
不要回头看
只要紧握我的手。

虽然是
没有目的地地跑。
只要相信我就好。

人
为了爱
什么能都放弃。

但是
值得吗？

没有一个的确的答案。

English Version.

Don't stop.
Don't look back.
Just hold my hands tight.

Even we have no destination
just trust me.

Love
makes us give up what we have.

But is it worth?

No definite answer.

黑伞 Black Umbrella

2009-05-25T10:50:00.004+01:00

下雨了
别忘了黑伞
你说。

不停地下的雨，
路上的人
手中都握着伞。

害怕
担心
着急
不安

因为
怕你
在这么多黑伞中
找不到我。

English Version.

Raining,
remember your black umbrella,
you said.

Unstopping rain.
So many people,
so many umbrellas.

Scared.
Worried.
Impatient.
Restless.

Coz'
I scared that
you failed to find me
among those black umbrellas.

Written on DB Ferry Hong Kong at 4.01p.pm. GMT+8.